Monthly Archive for April, 2008

Clean Pain and Dirty Pain

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I was running late on doing my taxes this year, and I felt a terrible dread about the task. I fortified myself with chocolate, and enlisted my husband for moral support. I shied away from starting several times, finding other tasks that “had” to be done first. Finally, I decided to take just the first step, just open the program, maybe gather a few documents…

Once I started, I did it all, and it really wasn’t that bad.

Come to think of it, this happens a lot. The dreading is often much worse than the doing.

Martha Beck taught me a distinction she calls clean pain and dirty pain (which she gathered from Steven Hayes). The clean pain is the actual physical and emotional sensation from the event. If you break your leg or fall out with a friend, it legitimately hurts. Much of the time, the stories we tell ourselves about the pain hurt much worse than the direct sensation. That’s dirty pain.

Here’s an example:

Suppose I sent a story to Asimov’s and they sent it back with a form rejection slip. So, this story did not sell to this market at this time. That hurts a little. And I can shrug it off in a few minutes.

Suppose, instead, I start telling myself “Nothing I write ever sells. Here’s proof that I am a talentless know-nothing who ought to be relegated to digging ditches. Lacey in eighth grade was right when she said I would never have any friends or any success. I am as worthless as cat vomit and I should just give up doing anything creative ever.” That could be the start of a good three day depression.

The dirty pain - the suffering from the stories I inflated around the real event - is much more severe than the direct impact of the original event.

Investigating the line between the clean pain of reality and the dirty pain of our interpretations of reality can open our eyes and free us from suffering. I would be glad to help you explore the difference. Call me and we’ll set an appointment.

Until next time, may your stories of struggle feed your fiction instead of draining your life.

Small Steps - April 15th, 2008

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“That’s one small step for [a] man, one giant leap for mankind.” Neil Armstrong, as he placed the first footprint on the Moon.

This issue’s Small Step for Space: Visit a space or science museum.

Good museums spark passion and imagination. They educate and entertain. If you have a museum nearby, lend them your support, by visiting, volunteering, or donating.

Book Review - April 15th, 2008

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The Remarkables by Robert Reed

Here’s another story of exploration without faster than light drive. Humanity has spread by gathering plentiful interstellar matter into habitats. An estimated trillion trillion humans fill terraformed planets and interstellar terrariums throughout a sphere extending twenty light years from Earth - and in that region, we have found one intelligent alien species. The Remarkables start their lives in the sea, and end as immense immobile trees. When Ranier Lu, a human with an unusual disability, receives a rare invitation to join juvenile Remarkables on their final journey before setting down roots, he discovers that much more is at stake than the lives of individual humans and Remarkables. This is a good adventure with well-drawn aliens and worthwhile ideas.

True Tests

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“If you are not failing, you are not testing.” Jeff Stibel

I love this quote. It is a beautiful change of perspective. It shows timidity as a greater failure than failure. How can we know how far we can go if we haven’t ever passed our limits?

Spring is coming. It’s time for new ventures. What if you took on a greater challenge than you ever have before? What if all you had to lose by failing was pride — and you could take pride in having truly tested yourself? What magnificent creation might you make if failure was nothing to fear?

For myself, I’m a little short on my quota of failures so far this life. I could stand a better testing.

So I’ll be looking for something difficult and worthwhile to try.

And if you’d like my help creating your own true test, give me a call.

Small Steps - April 1st, 2008

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“That’s one small step for [a] man, one giant leap for mankind.” Neil Armstrong, as he placed the first footprint on the Moon.

This issue’s Small Step for Space: Make an earmarked donation to your local library.

Most libraries will accept donations directed to a certain category of books. Ask if you can give money for books on space science or science fiction.

Book Review - April 1st, 2008

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The Songs of Distant Earth by Arthur C. Clarke

Arthur C. Clarke died Wednesday March 19th, 2008. He was the last of the “Big Three” of Silver Age science fiction. Along with Heinlein and Asimov, he dominated a long period of space-oriented sf.

It seemed a good time to revisit his writing. The Songs of Distant Earth takes place in a universe without faster than light travel, and after Earth’s sun has gone nova. The Thalassans have been living on their watery planet for seven hundred years. When the last survivors from Earth arrive by a new and more powerful drive, both groups are struck again by the loss of Earth and the loneliness of the great distance between the stars. The Songs of Distant Earth is a quiet, elegiac tale true to current science.